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slimwish
Moderator
| Joined: | 20 March 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 380 |
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Posted: 15 August 2008 11:14 pm |
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So I've pretty much given up.
Ugh I hate this.
I hate it.
I'm not going ANYWHERE.
1 month. 3 months. 6 months. A year!
It's not making a difference!!
I only wanted to lose a few pounds.
Maybe 5 pounds or so.
A long stupid year, and I'm still the same. Maybe a pound fatter.
I started diaries, counting calories, exercised more than before. Even got Turbo Jam. Which I despise now.
Still the same and I hate it.
Except now, I feel guilty for every #%@&! thing I eat. & Feel more self conscious about my body.
Stupid wasted efforts.
Stupid big thighs. Big calves. Flabby arms. Flabby stomache.
Ugly face.
If I lost any fat, it's probably from my butt. And now my pants sag there, and that's stupid. Stupid flat butt.
Stupid food. Stupid cravings. Stupid temptations.
Stupid FOOD PUSHERS.
Stupid dieters around me that try to fatten me up so they feel better about themselves, knowing I can't resist food offers.
Stupid friends who purposely tries to get me to eat more junkfood when they feel bad for themselves.
Stupid junkfood. Stupid healthy foods that never tastes good as unhealthy foods.
Stupid genetics.
Stupid depression.
Stupid slender people who say they're fat, making me feel even fatter.
Stupid exercise that doesn't help. Stupid knees that are probably screwed up.
Stupid dad who teases about my 'dieting' when he'd always comment on my big thighs & calves.
Stupid mom who always makes unhealthy food for everyone but herself, probably trying to lose weight.
Stupid brother who's naturally skinny so he pigs out on all the food, making me feel like I need to pig out so he doesn't eat all my favourites.
By stupid slimwish. Being slim is only a wish for me.
Last edited on 15 August 2008 11:17 pm by slimwish
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CrimsonAnimus
Moderator
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Posted: 16 August 2008 07:53 am |
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Wow. Somebody needs a hug...
Yeah, it definitely is hard. I also imagine you are quite frustrated...
Have you been to your doctor? Your doctor could refer you to an endocrinologist to have your metabolism checked.
Are you eating enough of the right foods? I have to force feed it to myself sometimes. There is junk absolutely everywhere. I remember a news special about the city I live in, Knoxville, TN. It has more fast food restaurants per square mile than any other city in the country. You can hardly go a mile without one popping up in your face!
I know you have a support group here, but maybe it's not enough. I'm sure there are weight loss support groups in your area that you could visit, if you haven't already. Perhaps you have another friend or family member also trying to lose weight, and you could both encourage each other. It sounds to me like encouragement is what you need the most.
You are not a failure, and you can do this! It doesn't matter what anybody else has to say about it. It is a HARD journey to lose weight. Everything worthwhile in life takes fighting for. Don't give up! Elaborate more on what you've tried and haven't tried, and we'll do our best to help.
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DaniMae1
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 18 August 2008 12:16 pm |
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You sound like me! Stupid this...stupid that! I do the same thing! Your dad probabably just teases you to try and make you feel better...it is stupid, but some guys are really dense and have no clue! If you've exercised for the past year it is not wasted! Exercise is good for your heart even if you haven't lost much weight. Don't give up! I struggled between 180-190 pounds for about 2 years, but got serious one day and lost 50! And I have the genetics thing against me...my parents weren't fat, but my paternal grandmother and her daughters all have thunder thighs, bazooka butt, and hippo hips! Well I still have 20 pounds to go and it is in all three of those areas!  Don't give up!
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cportwine
Senior Member
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Posted: 18 August 2008 05:06 pm |
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I agree with the others. DON'T GIVE UP! You can't really be a failure unless you give up all together.
Maybe, by doing the post it will help you get it off your chest. I know it helps me to vent. It also, helps me to exercise more. I can be really motivated when I am angry. So, use your feelings and get moving.
Exercise always makes me feel better, even when I am depressed. Please don't think you are alone. There were many of nights that I cried myself to sleep, cause I wanted to lose weight and couldn't (or thought I couldn't) It just take determination and the ability to keep trying. And when you do finally lose weight, it will all be worth it.
It will pay off eventually. Maybe if you took up a hobby or something to keep your mind off of losing weight would help. Sometimes I think I obsess to much and then I get really down on myself. So, take a break, have a cheat day, make a new plan and get started again, the next day.
I hope some this helps....
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mollymoo24
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 19 August 2008 04:45 am |
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I've missed you SW. I'm sorry it sounds like you are in a funk. Here's a big hug {{{{{{Slimwish}}}}}}. You need a change. Are you seeing anyone for the depression?
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slimwish
Moderator
| Joined: | 20 March 2008 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 380 |
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Posted: 26 August 2008 03:17 am |
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I saw some doctor, and I think he's supposed to recommend specialists for me, but I don't really know what's going on. It's already been awhile, but I have no idea if he contacted my mom or not. Maybe he did and my mom's just not telling me...
I don't even know if I want to get stupid therapy or pills anymore.
I don't trust those therapists.
I keep getting more and more paranoid about people and food. I keep thinking that everyone's trying to fatten me up. And I mean people who try to watch what they eat, or people who know I want to lose a few pounds. It feels like a stupid competition.
Even when I feel like giving up, or feeling like I have, I think about stupid calories and my weight EVERY SINGLE DAY!! It's pretty ridiculous as I'm not even getting anywhere. You'd think that if I always thought about it, then it'd motivate me to change.
And I'm always so thirsty. Dehydrated.
That makes me eat a lot.
I'm very paranoid about my mom.
At first I thought I was being crazy with my suspicions, but now I think I might actually be right.
My suspicions:
1. My mom wants to lose weight.
2. My mom is trying to lose weight.
3. My mom buys or makes fatty foods others, but not for herself.
4. My mom gets all angry when she ends up eating the fatty foods, and the others end up not eating them.
Check, check, check, check.
I'm pretty sure they're all true.
And my friends are really getting on my nerves too.
Well, certain friends. Like I mentioned before, the ones who try to watch what they eat, or people who know I want to lose a few pounds.
I'll call them friend 1, friend 2, friend 3.
Here are some examples of their actions:
Friend 1: She took some junk food, and offered me some. I said no. She mocked my diet plan thing and tried to tempt me into eating some.
Friend 2: We planned to go to an ice cream store together, but when we got there, she said she didn't want any ice cream. I was the only one who ended up eating the ice cream. We were already there, and I was tempted. She tricked me into thinking that we were both going out for ice cream. Not just me.
Friend 3: I was going to drink some pop, but realized it had over 40g of sugar! Then she tempted me into drinking it saying it was real good. After I finished most of it, I decided I didn't want anymore cause it tasted pretty bad. She agreed. She lied.
Oh, and all three friends are a little self conscious about their eating too.
Ugh, I really can't control myself over food. The more I try, the more I fail.
It's like I want to rebel against myself.
SW
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CrimsonAnimus
Moderator
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Posted: 26 August 2008 10:36 am |
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I won't speak for your mother, but your "friends" need to respect your wishes!
Are you supportive of your friends? I'm sure you are - that's what friends do. Your friends need to do the same. This is something that is important to you, and a real friend will stick by you in that endeavor.
Regardless, I think you should start associating with more people who have the same cause as you. Do you have weight loss support groups in your area? Most areas have them, and that's a great place to meet people who will support you, and your healthy choices. 
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DaniMae1
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 September 2008 12:32 pm |
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| I just noticed on the Challenge that you weigh like 117....No offense, but for you to be so dramatic at that miniscule weight is kind of odd. Like someone with an eating disorder or something.
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cportwine
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 September 2008 01:50 pm |
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Hey Slimwish, I noticed today that your not writing in your diary anymore. Just was wondering why.
I really think that helps to write down what you are eating. That way you can try to stay positive and not get so discouraged.
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cportwine
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 September 2008 02:00 pm |
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DaniMae1 wrote: I just noticed on the Challenge that you weigh like 117....No offense, but for you to be so dramatic at that miniscule weight is kind of odd. Like someone with an eating disorder or something.
Oh, I can totally relate to this. People think that I have problems cause I worry about my weight so much. But, in my defense, that is what keeps me from gaining back all the weight I lost. I really can't say that is true for everyone, just is so in my case. I think maybe slimwish was just having a bad day. We all have them, and I am glad that there is a forum that you can go on and vent.
Plus, I did look at slimwishes weight and goal weights. I think from doing the calculators on here, that there not really unreasonable. As far as being so emotional about it all. I would chalk that up as the age.
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Tratra
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 September 2008 05:14 pm |
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| Cport...maybe you're looking at her old diary....she's been posting everyday...
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cportwine
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 September 2008 06:09 pm |
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Really, geeezz, someone told me that they can't get my new pic either.....strange things are happening...
Your right, I was looking at the old one.... 
Last edited on 9 September 2008 06:10 pm by cportwine
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DaniMae1
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 9 September 2008 06:31 pm |
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cportwine wrote: DaniMae1 wrote: I just noticed on the Challenge that you weigh like 117....No offense, but for you to be so dramatic at that miniscule weight is kind of odd. Like someone with an eating disorder or something.
Oh, I can totally relate to this. People think that I have problems cause I worry about my weight so much. But, in my defense, that is what keeps me from gaining back all the weight I lost. I really can't say that is true for everyone, just is so in my case. I think maybe slimwish was just having a bad day. We all have them, and I am glad that there is a forum that you can go on and vent.
Plus, I did look at slimwishes weight and goal weights. I think from doing the calculators on here, that there not really unreasonable. As far as being so emotional about it all. I would chalk that up as the age.
Worrying about your weight is normal when there is weight to worry about. This person clearly isn't overweight in the sense that most of here are. I think we should be encouraging Slimwish more in the area of toning up and staying healthy instead of losing weight. The number is just a number when it is that low. But obviously one can be of a low weight and out of shape.
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